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When Calling Into ‘Dawson Radio’ Saved My Life

*NOTE-I originally wrote this while coming to terms with some pretty difficult stuff in my life as a teenager. I am no longer suicidal. In fact, I am a 23 year old woman who is happily married. Believe me, you will get past this. If you need someone to talk to, you can always talk to me on my Social Media Sites. You can also see more of my stories on The Mighty HERE*

I know what it feels like to have no one. To feel all alone. To feel like no one cares about you or how you feel. I am a survivor of suicidal thoughts and depression.

When I was at my lowest point in life, when I thought the only thing I could do was end my life because I was just a “troublemaker” who wouldn’t amount to anything, I was listening to the radio. Suddenly, this talk show came on. It was The Hope Line’s radio show, Dawson Radio. Continue reading “When Calling Into ‘Dawson Radio’ Saved My Life”

Becoming Incurable

I am proud to share this! The Becoming Incurable Documentary is done and it’s amazing!

I can’t wait to see what they have in store for the future! Visit their Facebook Page HERE

 

Becoming Incurable Documentary

Honesty Time

Everyone deals with life differently. We all cope differently. We react differently. But that doesn’t make us ‘Unnormal’.

I struggled with myself over whether or not I should post this as the few times I was brutally honest like in my post The Words We Use, I got a lot of negative reactions, in comments, messages, even to my face. But, if I can’t be honest in my writing, what is the point?

I recently went through my Facebook friends list and deleted over 100 friends because I have been having issues of being judged publicly while walking around with friends, going into stores, being told that how I choose to deal with my illnesses, who I see as my Doctor, what medications I take, my treatment plan, etc, are wrong. The things I hear the most frequently are things like

Continue reading “Honesty Time”

15 Memes That Nail What It’s Like To Go To The Doctor With A Chronic Illness

No One

A follower sent this to me last night and I just had to share. What are your thoughts about this?

“No one really talks about what happens if you’re sick and you don’t get better but you don’t die either. You get to live in the margins because its either/or. You’re getting sick or you’re getting better. There’s no in between in our culture. No room for the Chronically Ill.”

This Is Me

Most people say you have to write or post every day around the same time in order to gain more readers and popularity in this blogging world. But for me, I have no desire to be ‘popular’ or ‘famous’. I write so I can help others, even if only for a minute.

I dealt with a lot of pain and sadness in my past and instead of allowing myself to wallow in it any longer than I already had and turn me into someone I didn’t want to be, I turned to writing. Slowly, I began helping others. Helping them with my words I wrote. Helping them learn what an amazing thing writing could be. How it could help them through their hardest times.

I don’t post every day. Sometimes I even go weeks without a post. But either someone likes my writing and will keep checking back, or they won’t. Either way, I will never stop writing. If my writing helps even 1 person, it has all been worth it.

I don’t write just for me. I write for you too.

I started writing poems in jr high through a very hard time, and below is one I recently found. I have now got all the writing I could find of mine together and put it in a book that I will eventually print one day.

This Is Me

I’m not perfect, I’m a mess
I don’t express myself well
When I get scared, I push you away
When I’m angry, I hide
When I cry, I don’t let you see
Take it or leave it, this is me.

I pretend everything’s fine
While inside I wanna cry
I’m scared to let you see
The way I really am
But I let you in anyway
Take it or leave it, this is me.

If you get too close, I push you away
Scared to love, scared of more hurt
So many insecurities, so much pain
I slowly let you in, I’m scared
You say you love me, I let you in closer to me
Take it or leave it, this is me.

When I’m afraid, I put up walls
To protect me from hurt and pain
When I’m happy I let you in and
Little by little trust you more
I’m a roller-coaster of emotions
Take it or leave it, this is me.

 

IT’S OFFICIAL!!

It’s official, everyone! Starting March 5th the Idaho Falls All Chronic Pain Support Group begins! I can’t begin to tell you all how excited I am! Please share with friends and family to spread the word! Also join us by clicking the image below to join the IF All Chronic Pain Support Group now on Facebook as well as Locally!!

Results

Now that the 30 day Chronic Illness Challenge is complete, I thought I would share something that has always bothered me, but even more so since getting my many Diagnosis.

I have a secret. Well, okay, not a secret exactly since I don’t hide it from anyone, I just don’t openly share this. I have been in and out of counseling since I was 5 years old.

And while in the thousands of hours spent inside a counseling office, every so often I am asked to fill out this survey of sorts, of how I feel about things. Examples: In the last week, I have felt helpless (On a scale of 1-10) In the last week I have felt uninterested in most things (Strongly disagree, Disagree, Neither agree nor disagree ,Agree ,Strongly agree)

There have been countless surveys or forms to fill out during all my time in those offices. And each time, the only thing that matters is the result. Nothing else. Not how you came to the answer. Just that you wrote that answer.

Since getting my 3 diagnoses , this has irked me so much, I have even shared my thoughts about this to my counselor who I actually click with and like a lot. She has helped me so much as we talk about everything and she helps me see things I may have missed in the past. She is even currently helping me get my Idaho Falls All Chronic Pain Support Group Started here locally.

She also thinks this is irritating. She even got a call after my last ‘evaluation survey’ from whoever the answers are given too and I was categorized as ‘High Risk’ due to my answers about how I was feeling sad, didn’t feel interested in much, spent a lot of time sleeping, etc.

She explained and they changed their ‘ruling’ but this will follow me forever. Always answering honestly, but ending up being scrutinized and judged until they finally decide to call my counselor who is more than happy to explain Why I feel that way. That I do have a Chronic Illness (3 in fact: Interstitial Cystitis, Endometriosis and PFD along with Anxiety and Depression) That I sleep a lot due to my pain levels and pain medication as well as other medication side effects. That I am uninterested in doing things because I simply do not have the energy.

Here is the thing. The answers do matter. Just not to them.

But they matter to each and every one of us. We matter. The reasons matter.

30 Day Chronic Illness Challenge: Day 30

Day 30: Something someone said that stuck with you after your diagnosis.

The one thing that stuck with me was a good friend of mine telling me her story and letting me know she understood and would always be there for me. Even if it means I need her at 3am or if she needs me.

30 Day Chronic Illness Challenge: Day 29

Day 29: Your worst fear

I try my best to not think too much about how things can go wrong, or things that I am afraid of, but I have to say my worst fear would be to have a fatal illness. As most of you know, I got Interstitial Cystitis,  then right after came Endometriosis, then PFD. For some reason there always seems to be illnesses going hand in hand, each illness is slowly joined by yet another diagnosis, another illness worse than the last.

30 Day Chronic Illness Challenge: Day 28

Day 28: Advice for someone just diagnosed

My advice would be to reach out to someone. When I first got sick, it seemed like everyone couldn’t grasp how sick I really was because on the outside I looked fine.

I was diagnosed with Interstitial Cystitis, Endometriosis, PFD, Anxiety and Depression.

But those are what doctors call “Invisible Illnesses” because they can only be seen on scans, Xrays, surgeries etc. I was far from fine, but looked fine on the outside, making people question how sick I really was, or even worse, wondering if I was even sick at all.

Friends, even family started pulling away for a variety of reasons they thought made sense but only hurt me.

The best thing I ever did was to reach out to others online. Facebook. Support groups. Forums.

I found a whole community of “Spoonies” that, even though some of us didn’t share the same illnesses, we understood how it was and were supportive the best we could be.

Reach out, you never know who may be touched by you. If you reach out to me, I will always be reaching back 💙

30 Day Chronic Illness Challenge: Day 27

Day 27: Your community of support

When I first got my diagnosis, I was struggling really hard just trying to adjust to the fact that this will be a lifelong battle of my illnesses.

But then I found an amazing support system on Facebook of other “Spoonies” that share my illness or know someone who does. We are there for each other. We care. We don’t judge each other. We know the good and bad of our illnesses and we know how to deal with each new change.

Reach out, you never know who may be touched by you and your story or who may be there to help you.

30 Day Chronic Illness Challenge: Day 26

Day 26: Somewhere you’d love to travel

Ever since I was a kid, I have always wanted to go to Paris, Hawaii, and don’t roll your eyes) New York City.

They’re all on opposite ends of the spectrum for some, but I would love to go to those 3 places someday.

Someday when my illnesses are more manageable, I’m able to travel that far, and when I can feel good enough to enjoy it.

…Which means it may never happen. But a girl can dream, right?

30 Day Chronic Illness Challenge: Day 25

Day 25: Someone you met on your journey

I have met some amazing people on my journey through Chronic Illness but by far my favorite person is my friend Ty.

She’s a “Spoonie” like me so we understand each other and can be ourselves. When we (me and everyone else) feels like we have to ‘look normal’ to be accepted into society so we are unable to be ourselves in public. Our lives and us in general, are so far from normal’ its not even funny.

Exciting News!!!

Okay guys, I have some fantastic news!! I will be starting Idaho Falls First ALL Chronic Pain Support Group!!

These fliers are just drafts, so please forgive me for the missing info!!

Will return to 30 Day chronic Illness Challenge Tomorrow.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

30 Day Chronic Illness Challenge: Day 24

Day 24: Favorite memory aid

My favorite memory aid is my planner. So far its just been a small, boring black planner but its helped so much in me remembering things and help keep me organized.

That and my small white board on my fridge are my favorite

Inflammation a main contributor in Chronic Illness

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If you reduce inflammation in your body you will look younger and feel better and drastically reduce your risk for chronic illness. Inflammation and chronic diseases go hand in hand. By lowering the inflammation in your body you will be drastically reducing your chances for developing chronic illness and therefore, increasing your life expectancy. Did you know there is a strong link between inflammation and debilitating conditions like heart disease, arthritis, cancer, allergies, asthma, Crohn’s disease, Alzheimer’s and the list goes on. You name a chronic condition and you can bet inflammation is involved. Inflammation is the bodies natural reaction to injury and infection. So how did a normal and natural reaction designed to let us know there is a problem go so out of control? Read on…

Continue reading “Inflammation a main contributor in Chronic Illness”

30 Day Chronic Illness Challenge: Day 23

Day 23: What about your disabilities is embarrassing?

The most embarrassing part of my disability is the fact that I look fine and can smile and do some things but other days I can’t so people say they get “mixed signals-are you sick or not?”

Its irritating but also very embarrassing because I look fine but on the inside I am so far from fine.

30 Day Chronic Illness Challenge: Day 22

Day 22: Favorite helpful product

My favorite helpful product is my portable tens unit. 🙂

30 Day Chronic Illness Challenge: Day 21

Sorry guys, once again I am behind! I’ve been dealing with some new symptoms and a huge flare so please bear with me!!!

Day 21: Who/what inspires you

Some people love a lot of people and look up to them, but for me, there’s only one person who inspires me to be the best I can be and be the best support system for me as well as being family.

Despite what most people seem to assume, just because they are family doesn’t mean they are automatically supportive. In fact, in a lot of cases it is the complete opposite.

She is my family but she is also very supportive and loving. I hope one day others in my family will try and be supportive and encouraging just like she is and just like my in laws are.

My aunt wrote this as an introduction and just by looking at this makes me realize how strong she really is.

Kristy Ann Newcomb Brennan, 51 year old.
Got married to Vince Brennan in June 1984 after graduating from Cedar City High School.
Moved to Vegas 1986.
Had Ryan in May 1986.
Had Amanda Oct 1989.
Earned an Associate Degree from CSN in 1998.
Earned a Bachelors Degree from UNLV in 2001.
Earned a Masters Degree from UNLV in 2004. (All in Social Work).
I have one grandson and another grandchild on the way.
Began to have back and neck issues around 2009.
Became permanently disabled in 2013.
Diagnoses:
-Degenerative Disc Disease
-Arthritis
-Bulging Discs
-Parkinson’s Disease
-Migraines
I had back surgery in Oct 2017

She is so inspirational to me and I love her so much.

She has started blogging about her life recently and her amazing blog is called Beautiful Warrior